December 29, 2015

The day before, a hike….  It soothed the soul somewhat, except for all those people (about 8 – like friggin’ Central Park at a free U2 concert).  Yesterday, an adventure to IKEA to get a bed-frame (which is too little for Ethan’s mattress, of course) and a dresser for Mags.    It was fun at IKEA; I think that is the first time Maggie and I have been.  We also picked up a wool rug which will last forever and be brought to Europe.  It was a fun trip.  We picked up Ethan on the way home, and then Mags and I stopped for dinner while Ethan sat in the car.  It was here I learned of Lemmy’s death.  Makes me so sad: he had found out 2 days before his death that he had cancer.  Horrible.

Today the alarm was supposed to wake me, but I beat it by an hour.  I was going to juvenile hall today to start learning ropes.  It isn’t as strict (obviously) as Folsom Prison – I can wear any work-appropriate clothing, not specific colors and types of clothing like at FSP, I can wear an under-wire bra.  Still, no scents, no jewelry.  

No deets on the kids there – but what an experience.  I go back tomorrow for more shadowing.  It’s going to be tricky in a few weeks.  I will be pushing more than a full load, which is tough in this field.  

 

Home to children who…had not finished putting together the furniture (well, Ethan had finished his bed-frame yesterday), had not made a fire, had not cleaned the house.  Rats.  I need to leave a pumpkin-do list next time.  

 

I made the best damn soup ever in the history of the world, but as it simmered, I popped to the store to get butter and a few things for my ultra-super-healthy muffins.  After I found the pop tarts, which were cleverly disguised in a box of pop-tarts, I headed home and we ate.  Ohhh, my gawd, it was so damn good!  Mags and I made more healthy muffins 9and I learned I didn’t even need the butter, then we ate tator tots in honor of Napoleon Dynamite and I burnt the muffins.  Again.  Just like the first time.  We watched more scary shows….  Earlier to bed, though.  Ortho appointment in the morning.

NEWSFLASH:  Boy child just showed me that white/gold or black/blue dress again.  I CAN SEE BOTH VARIATIONS!!!!  This is why I'm a therapist. 

Pictures: Mags constructing her dresser.  I start my kids at an early age;  "Are you gonna eat your tots?" ~ Napoleon Dynamite

December 26, 2015

I am not what many people may believe I am by my posts:

 I am not “easy” – I don’t hook-up with men (or women, for that matter, though Mags honestly suggested it could increase my chances of finding a partner about a month ago).  I’m one of those people who believes sex is something special to be shared, though I don’t judge anyone else who feels otherwise.  Honestly…I wish I could access my inner-slut once in a while.  

I do not hang out at sex shops all the time.  I decided to try something different the other day and it turns out, by being open and honest about it, I was able to give a friend a coupon I had earned and she went!  I think women should be able to visit places like this without being labelled.  I also think we are in charge of our own sexuality (especially if we are single).

I am not proud of my body – despite running around the house naked all the time (except when kids are here), but I’m also not ashamed of it.   I  like the way naked feels.  I think women should become much more comfortable with nudity and their bodies – there is too much comparison and shaming.

 

This morning, because I have shared about my life, a friend contacted me about a girl, raped, had just given birth and was giving the baby up for adoption.  I don’t know how much I can be of service, because our experiences are all different, but I was able to offer a little bit of what to expect.

By being open about my life and my experiences, I am trying to (in my very little way) offer support and empathy.  I’m also processing things in my own way, and…leave something behind for my kids (I’m very open and honest with them).  

  

I tried another hike today and ended up going way into possible meth-lab territory again.  My iPhone GPS system sucks on the 6+.  That thing’ll get me killed.  

Pictures:  THIS is what a tornado is.  I am so grateful my friend Rachel is ok;  Lost somewhere....

December 25, 2015

Bed time was just after midnight…or just before, who knows.  I dreamt again and again that the kennel was closed on New Years Eve – so how would I get to the Hips show that night?  I awoke after ten and a half hours and toddled to the kitchen for hot lemon water – the first step in my yoga routine.  Ice was frozen on the deck, but the dogs needed out, so…..  I went back to bed and sipped my lemon tea while I waited for the coffee to brew.  This is my morning routine.  If I need to change it, I will, but I sure like sitting in bed sipping my coffee.

I spent a little bit of time chatting with a high school friend.  I feel I always lean on him when I’m feeling down.  This loneliness hits me every once in a while – especially on days that are days families get together. The words are a Band-Aid, because nothing changes, reality is still as it was, but the bandage stops the bleeding, and that’s always good.  I had been invited over to a couple of places today – a friend’s house and my ex-in-law’s, but I needed to get the dogs out – they haven’t been on a walk since we moved in here, which is pretty bad.

WE headed up to our usual place.  I was foolish not to consider two things: A) It was Christmas and most people were off work, and B)It had snowed the night before.  This is not a good combination when seeking solitude.  There were so many cars pulled over, people playing in the snow, throwing snowballs, making snowmen.  I continued in my trusty little Mazda with my new incredible tires.  I will never buy Goodyear tires again.  I kept driving and driving – no troubles at all, which thrilled me to no end.  Eventually I stopped (didn’t want to push my luck) and the dogs and I got out and tromped in the powder.  Even here, there were too many people – speaking so loudly and disrupting the Beauty and Quiet.  We walked a bit further when I heard the people in the area getting ready to leave, so we popped in the car and headed back.  We’d head off the 49 and hike there, instead.  Only, we didn’t.  An icy area had resulted in several cars, driving too fast, to lose control and either smashed into other trucks or they went into culverts.  So I stooped, behind another truck and we waited.  And waited, and waited.  Soon there was a loine of cars behind me as men popped out of their trucks came up with brilliant ideas to solve the problems.  The brilliant idea is not to drive too fast in the first place, dumbass.  The second brilliant idea is to have chains with you.  As I was waiting, I popped my chains on and after about an hour, the roadway was cleared and we drove off.  

I took the long, scenic route back home.  I figured since it was too late to get a hike, a nice drive would have to suffice.  Eventually we reached home, which was good as my stomach was growling.  I was craving homemade meatball soup, so as soon as I got home, I got the ingredients out and began.  My desire and love of cooking has decreased immensely over the last few years, but man…if I could just stick with it for a bit….  I dropped off the cookie dough and beers I had made for L for Christmas (the kids forgot it last night in the car) and then came home to enjoy some delicious soup.

Somewhere in there I started watching Supernatural again.  I don’t know why – it freaks me out (I was terrified when I found a huge man’s jacket with the unfamiliar initials “JW” on my bed last night.  Turns out it was Ethan’s – JW is the son of his dad’s gf).  Did my yoga (part 2 of my routine) and then…more Supernatural.  I won’t sleep well tonight.  

 Pictures:  Second chains job; Beautiful El Dorado County: The moon-rise on Christmas day.

December 24, 2015

Last night, Maggie asked me what I wanted for Christmas.  Hipnic tickets.  No, mother, really.  I’m dead serious, Mags.  Hipnic tickets and a parking pass.  This morning, I awoke to the alarm and glanced at my iPhone – there was a message “you have a ticket and parking pass.”  Oh MY GAWD!!!!!  My wish came true.  Thank you, my friend.

The day began with an appointment with a handyman to arrive at 9.  By 11, he pulled up.  The sink has a leak and heaven forbid I get charged (or billed) for damages not incurred by me, yet again.  As he worked on replacing the sink faucet (and once again, a 15 minute jo takes over an hour – welcome to my reality), I unpacked bathroom stuff and started going through the garage.  As much as some of these sentimental items have meant to me, or relationship is just about over.  I am done with lugging around all this stuff (except for the books).  He finished and I had 8 minutes to get to my already-delayed-by-half-an-hour lunch meeting.  

Lucnh was delightful – I introduced my friends to the wonderful sushi bar I’ve begun frequenting and was able to pass on a turtleneck I adored as a 5 year old (yes, I remember this distinctly.  I only wish I had the green velvet dress that accompanied it) to my very precious little friend Sophia.  After our delicious (as always) sushi lunch, I headed over to Tatjana’s house to pick up some gift bags as I had forgotten about the kid’s clothes I bought in SF.  This home – and the changes they, themselves have made to it.  What an incredible thing to be able to do!  As we were touring around the house, thunder boomed, rain fell, then a tornado warning was broadcast.  I left not long after and saw streets white with hail – incredible cloud formations – white, gray, black.  As I turned onto my street, I received another tornado warning. As I got home, I saw L was parked there and soon kids bounced out of the car, excitedly telling me about the tornado they had just seen, very close to where I had just been.  I looked at Maggie’s pictures, and while the vague shape of a funnel cloud appeared, this was in no way the tornadoes of my former home.  

The kids and I walked in and soon began preparing our Christmas dinner.  Last year it was spaghetti sandwiches, this year they wanted pork chops.  It was nice – warm, all three of us in there together, slicing and dicing as the Mother Hips replayed Friday night’s show on a Hips link.  Dinner was soon ready and we ate  - far too much food made for just us three.  Especially since I had just had sushi as few hours before and really wasn’t very hungry.  Oddly enough, we all cleaned the kitchen before the kids “hid” in their rooms so Christkindl and I could get to work.  The Christmas spirit isn’t what it used to be, for some reason…a few hours with my kids before they go back to their dad’s.  I know what a “good” divorce I have, but man oh man.  It just seem so empty once they are gone.  This is year 6 or 7 of an alone Christmas and while I enjoy alone, it seems that lonely is creeping in more and more?  Of course I say that and am usually reminded rather quickly what the other side of the fence looks like and I’d rather have this side any day.

Within about 15 minutes, all the gifts were open…except the envelopes.  Ethan was thrill

ed with his shaving gear and robe – he hadn’t expected anything.  Mags was disappointed she hadn’t received her Xbox 360 and small tv.  I called them into the living room and gave them the envelopes.  Together they read, and though they were happy, they were not as thrilled as I was, which is totally ok.  I didn’t quite understand the importance of it, myself when I was given the Swiss citizenship.  That’s ok.  I handed Maggie the envelope from Mr. Conrad Needlebaum of Petaluma, CA and she read a few lines before squealing with joy.  She will soon get to be in one of the Brother Comatose music videos.  As I drove them home, we were talking about the much better tires on my car when we passed by a Porsche Cayenne which had gone off the road into a fence and lay on its side.  Police had just arrived and paramedics weren’t anywhere in sight.  It wasn’t life-threatening, but my goodness – what  wake-up call.  It was a lovely day, all in all.  My favorite boy was happy as punch (love makes us that way) and my girl was happy, also, but in a different way.   The cool thing is we are together (even when we are apart).  Tonight before dinner they were sad because we forgot to say “en guete” before we ate (a tradition in CH).  I think they are a teeny bit excited about the looming adventure. Happiest of Christmases, everyone. XO

 Pictures: Stocking are always first; Hail, hail...; The fire-pit's first fire; Of course I broke this decoration from when I was 4; Time to burn more past.  Holding onto it is pointless.