February 28, 2015

As I was entering awakening, I suddenly remembered the bus and sprang into action,  making sure Dusty hadn't phoned me.  Ok, all clear.  I started tapping out a message, but dear god, I was becoming annoying even to myself.  I didn't want to over-bother, and there was a nice rain tapping on the windows, so I snuggled with my bed for a while longer as I waited for coffee to brew.

At one point, however, it became necessary to text Dusty to let him know things needed to be going by one, at which point no wire transfers could take place, he responded and after the right time, I headed to the bank.  As I was sitting in the car, Dusty sent me pictures of my bus, the papers, etc.  He was absolutely instrumental in making this dream come true.  Not one of my bank people were there...I guess weekends are saved for the new folks, so I explained to the teller that I had a check to deposit, a money order (Swiss passport stuff) and a wire transfer.  She responded those are only happen on weekdays.  NOoooo!!!!!!  We finished up my other banking business and I left, heading towards her suggestion of a Western Union: first to CVS, where I thought I'd seen a WU sign, then to Rite Aide, where there actually was a WU (but only to $999), then to a check cashing store which was also a Western Union center, but they couldn't help me for the amount, so I headed back to my bank, when I spoke with the same lady who told me I could come by Monday after work and the transfer would arrive Tuesday morning.  I left a little saddened and headed home. When I got there, I received an email from Joe ( we’ve been back and forth since yesterday’s Ebay sale), who told me I could deposit a check into his bank account. So I grabbed the dogs (we are going hiking after) and we headed to Chase bank where I successfully wrote a check for the amount and was told it would be there early Tuesday morning(no hold)!! My heart was beating hard,  I was so excited and very happy. Unfortunately,  I was unable to access my bank account to transfer the funds from savings into checking so I return to my bank from third time and made that happen.  I am the proud purchaser of a 1976 Volkswagen pop-up top bus. 😊 <beaming til my face breaks>

It was time to celebrate, so as the raindrops started hitting my windshield, the dogs and I headed up to our hiking spot in the El Dorado National Forest. I pulled off at Fleming trailhead and the dogs and I  headed, in upper 30s lower 40s° weather,  down a clay-dirt puddle-filled road, every blood cell in my body vibrating with pure joy. The air was brisk and occasionally raindrops found my face.  I wanted to walk forever.  As I always do on these walks,  I did a lot of thinking. Initially I had been listening to the Grateful Dead in honor of the new bus, but at one point I walked out of reception area,  so I thought, realizing how happy I’ve been lately; Everything I have accomplished in the last few years has been on my own.  I realize, however, that without the many people in my life, I wouldn’t be where I am today, yet I finally feel successful on my own.  I  don’t need a man by my side and that's a very comforting feeling to me.  On this hike this thought came to my mind:  " It isn't until the door has been slammed in your face too many times that you realize you didn't need to go through that door anyway."   I like that.

On my way home I got a text from Maggie which was so bittersweet. She texted that she and her friend been using a Ouija board and she had contacted Ryan.  The first thing she let me know is that he said he loved her and tears immediately sprang into my eyes. The second thing was that his favorite color was pink and this was my dad's favorite color, though I never told Maggie that.  His favorite food is apples, his favorite animal is a duck and his favorite number is four.  She FaceTimed me later and told me other things… she was so happy and it meant a lot to me because this morning, I was thinking of him and had thought about going to the river.  I played with the Ouija board when I was a kid, so I understand how they work, but I also very much believe that a part of us never dies.  It was a very special conversation as her face beamed with love for her eternal baby brother.

 I showered and was excited to go celebrate my day with a little bite of a little bit of sushi down the hill. I brought  the Smithsonian magazine to read and after quite a wait, I was eventually seated at a table by myself, enjoying some hot green tea and some gyozas. My three sushi rolls arrived, and much to my horror,  I ate every bite and still didn't really feel that full, so I ordered a dessert.  Gratefully, I couldn't finish it, so I paid and headed to the grocery store to pick up a token of my appreciation for Dusty. Without him this would not have happened and I'm so very grateful to him. So now I'm at home and looking forward to a nice evening with The Office and then I'll tumble off to sleep with the refrains of Grateful Dead songs in my head.  What a glorious day it has been.

 Pictures: A raindrop; The clay-watered dirt road; The limbs of a tree reaching for the clouds.... Movie: Mabi completely ripped the top of this sapling off as I was shooting a picture.  She seems to have tree issues.  

February 27, 2015

This morning wasn’t really a typical morning…I BOUGHT A 1976 VW BUS!!!!  At least, I hope I did. Dusty is going to go check it out tomorrow morning before I wire the money.  It all started off as a joke, when my friend Julie was asking where her dream car was, that she had manifested it but was unable to find it, so I looked online to find mine and there it was.  Enough right things fell into place and just flowed.  During second block, after having talked to my insurance agent about cost, it was time and I pushed the “BUY NOW” button.  

 

This is the first time I have ever done anything miscellaneous like this – trading the beautiful Mercedes from my dad to a more economical car that better suites my life style was a big move, too, but I need a car for work – this is just for fun.  Still, it is my dream to own a VW bus and it looks like it is happening.  When it is time to move to Europe, it will not be hard to sell it, this I know.

After work I headed home and did a little more searching and finding out – this is when I spoke to my banker who said do not just wire money without seeing it, that a lot of fraud has been taking place.  I am grateful Dusty can go see it.  The thing is, I think this is a real sale and it makes me sad to think that, of all things, someone would use a VW Bus to defraud someone.  It’s un-American, it’s sacrilegious, it’s…unhippie.  Which reminds me of a joke – how many hippies can you fit in a VW BUS?  2 more and a dog.  At least, I think that was it.

Was JUST about to walk out the door for my session when my supervisor texted and said my client had cancelled.  This is the second time.  Looks like they are not very interested in coming, but that’s ok.  I don’t take it personally at all and understand.  I left to go pick up a celebratory carnitas burrito and was very sad…I only wanted to eat half of it (I have really been eating well at home – cooking all my food and feeling great) and it didn’t taste as good as I had hoped.  As I was sitting in bed, watching The Office in typical single-lady-on-a-Friday-night style, my sweet sister phoned me from her living room, where she was watching Modern Family in mother-to-a-3-month-old-infant-and-a-very-busy-toddler style.  We are so cool.  My heart was so happy.  I love having a sister.

 

I haven’t told the kids about the Westy.  I am going to have it shipped up here (a huge mistake is adding a sponsored as on Google for best prices as you will get calls and emails from all over the country from transport companies.  Do not do that).  I am SO.DADGUM.EXCITED!!!!  I am also trying to stop using the word fuck so much.  I need it for specific emotional times, plus, working at a high school, when I hear it used up to 7 times a minute in a single sentence, it has someone lost its pizazz, so I am reverting to good ol’ “dadgummit” and such).  We are going to have a rocking summer. 

Picture: The picture of the Westy; My right hand to left foot pose during 3rd block; Shots of the incoming storm.

February 26, 2015

The up part was interesting…I’ve worried my entire life about over-sleeping, so I was “up” and dozing probably 2 hours before my alarm went off.  I did my usual, then yoga’d, feeling the burn, feeling the stretch then went to take my shower only to find there was no hot water. I checked the water heater and it was off – pilot light was not cooperating.  I was unable to locate any of my long lighters and texted my landlord after a call to the ex was unsuccessful.  I dropped hints of the wood rat invasion by leaving a trap on the counter and putting more mint-scented cotton balls everywhere.  Surely he’d ask about the mint smell, right???

At work, I was given the honor of walking the track only to find the swimming pools where in use…by the navy.  There is nothing that makes me feel as patriotic as a service man in a pool (as a swimmer, guys in pools get me excited, anyway.  Make it a navy man…o0h, yes).  That was a nice treat (I didn’t “see” anything but their arms and heads at the end as they were instructed, but that was enough for me. 

After work I immediately headed home to get some meds (I was hurting a bit again) and headed to my site to do some paperwork.  I was also trained a little on more forms.  I understand why forms need specific things, now if I can just get the verbage down, I’ll be doing well.

Group was…amazing, as always.  I really terrific group of people here and by now they are starting to feel much more comfortable.  The numbers were down, which is to be expected if different agencies are footing the bill, but not by that much.  This is a really terrific group of parents.  Tonight we discussed drugs, and despite my experience and knowledge, the scene had changed quite a bit.  While meth was around when I was “active”, I never tried it (thank god), and while I still consider meth to be the worst, there are other, newer synthetic drugs which are becoming quite popular.  I’m glad I had the life I did and that I found recovery from alcohol because I can play the tape through for any type of drug and the ending is always the same for me:  jails, institutions or death.

Got home to happy puppies and a minty smelling home (there was no mentioned by the landlord).  After tomorrow’s session with my client, I am looking forward to a weekend of minimal stuff:  A lot of the Office, some laundry, some adventures.  My last class starts soon and there will be a lot of papers, but I am so close to what is hopefully my last educational experience.  And now...I sit in bed, thinking about the beautiful night sky I saw outside as I set out the trash for pickup tomorrow morning.  Bright stars shining with peaceful vehemence.  I'd like Ethan to sand the old wooden ladder so we can lay on the roof and watch the stars.  Ohhh, the adventures that life holds.

Pictures: The paperwork which excites me now (because it signifies I'm "in"), but will soon have me pulling my hair out:  "Three little birds, each by my doorstep...Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright!"  Thank you, Jah; The fiery sunset tonight.

February 25, 2015

This morning, I managed to get yoga in so I wouldn't lose my 2 dollars to Paula at work (we bring a dollar if we get it done, two when we don't).  The dollar isn't much at all, but it's made more of a difference in my doing yoga than anything else.

I wore more "grown-up clothes" today. This is an actual quote from a student today:   "Wow!  I've never seen you dress up like a grownup before!"  I wore those shoes again, though,  and after two class periods my feet were screaming at me,  so I put on my Barefoot Merrills.  I'm doing a lot of walking, I'm a more active,  watching what I eat and try not to eat past six( though yesterday with Ethan I was half an hour late). I'm noticing a little bit of a difference.

After school, I went to meet L to  give him Ethan’s bike.  He ended up being later than expected, so I picked Ethan up because Maggie was too busy talking to her friends on the porch to hear her name called three times.  We parked across the street at the church and waited.  His relationship with his girlfriend isn't going well at all and I think it will be ending fairly soon. That makes me sad for him, but not being in the relationship is a terrific thing.  Sometimes it's great to be on the sidelines. 

I went to Winco to get some shopping and then back to practicum.  Maybe I can find an additional practicum site the summer so that I can really rack up a lot of hours and be finished .  That would be nice, yet it's doubtful.  All in good time,  I know

I'm looking forward to a relaxing summer with my kids and then hopefully placement at my practicum site for employment. As much as I love so many of the people at my workplace,  the kids and even the situations that make me want to tear my eyes out in  frustration, it's  difficult to be in a place where you don't fit, don't feel you belong.  There's an odd tension I feel and it just isn't a good fit for me anymore. I am so very grateful that it allowed me the opportunity to support myself for the last few years so that I could complete graduate school.  I am a very fortunate person, indeed.

Pictures:  The cotton ball I picked from a field as we headed north out of Midland in January; Leaves are slowly making their appearance.

February 24, 2015

Poor sleep again – story of my week…get out your violins, but I was somewhat excited to wear my “professional” clothes to work –it’s the little things in life.  I finally feel like I have a career in which I can dress professionally for my work. Ethan was one lucky kid this morning – I granted him the special gift of a full on Foo Fighters concert live by me, but his eyes were glued to his BMX videos.  Poor kid – doesn’t even realize what he missed.

I may be imagining things, but I felt Stephanie was pretty impressed with my outfit – especially since I was wearing my Nine West black wedges  The day went along rather nicely until.. I remembered who he was.  Allow me to explain:  Yesterday’s paper had a cover shot of three people arrested on murder charges and one of the faces looked so familiar to me, but I was unable to place it until I heard Dave say he used to go here – then I remembered.  He was a sweet kid, whom I had always noticed because he seemed so clean cut  and nicely mannered.  Turns out he is a “validated sureño” gang member.  There goes his life – he graduated early 2 months ago and now he is sitting in our jail awaiting trail.  This has weighed heavily on me all day long.  My heart is saddened that this young man has made the choices he made and will now more than likely spend a great part of his life in prison.  WHY???  I want to go in and ask him WHAT led up to his making these choices??? 

Yesterday, out of the blue, I imagined being held/hugged tightly be a man and feeling the scratchiness of his facial hair against my check.  Today, there was a coach subbing for our PE instructor and I suddenly found myself doing off things like fixing my hair and being conscious of how I carried myself.  Good mercy….  Let’s not start up with all that flirting mess again – too much going on.

Grabbed Ethan after school, dropped him off at home and tried to leave as quickly as possible, but I couldn’t remember where I’d set my keys – 3 times I got in the car to check and three times  I had to get out before I finally found them – right where I always out them.  Supervision threw on another 2 hours on to my very small time plate, but I’ll take what I can get:  Apparently the hours at my work’s group won’t count because HR never got back to my university.  Fantastic.  I called one client and will go in right after work Thursday to prep for others. 

Came home to my boy – who was asleep.  He hadn’t finished his homework, so after i cooked dinner and did more chores, I helped him, which is why it is so late now and I missed yoga.  Tired.  Must sleep.

Picture:  Ethan's human eye science fair model.  My saran-wrap cornea idea looks kinda creepy in the photo....