August 31, 2015

 

Autumn knocked gently this morning, enwrapping the neighborhood with a soft blanket of chilled air.  I for, one, was so grateful.  Soon it will be time for the faux fireplace and games with the tribe.  I stayed in bed, even though it was past my usual get-up time.  I had no after-drop-off appointments and this strep is morphing into a chest/head cold.  It’s “literally”  irritating <imagine Dr. Evil from Austin Powers air quoting>....

I headed to work.  I was sitting in on an interview and wanted to experience as much as I possibly could.  The woman we interviewed was so incredibly competent, it illustrated the width in my lack of experience.  I have immense, strong, reasonable, pretty good faith in my ability as a therapist, but I also know how much is gained from being and doing and experiencing this modalities.  Gestalt therapy?  I have lived this, but am I able to answer as perfectly and succinctly as she did?  Hells no (as an aside, I know that should be spelled with a hip “z” but I am driving this bus and I refuse to become a “z”er)!  After the interview and all of us agreeing that, ohmyYES!  She is amazing (she really was), I had to stay behind and talk to the clinical director, admitting my fear, that yes…she is wonderful and oh my goodness she has so much more experience than I, but…<shrinking ever smaller>  “I want to work here, too…”  I was assured that she wasn’t there to replace me, but be there in addition to me, which made me feel a lot better.  Yet…still.  I am so inexperienced.  Level 14 group home, that’s what I need.  Sweet Elena…  told me I am far too harsh with myself and I should lighten up.  She has no idea how ‘light’ I am, compared to 20 years ago, I’m a damn helium balloon nowadays….

 

And so, we come to the bees.  The bees are dying since no longer planting cover crops like clover and alfalfa.  We use herbicides. We use pesticides.   Bees are responsible for a one-third of all the world’s crop productions, which couldn’t exist with them.  This (below) was the topic of today’s NPR show I listened to as I left work today (and the TED talk it was based on)  And I began to do what the show’s guest said was such a downfall of humanity...reflective thinking.  Instead of working, doing, BEEing <excellent pun>… I think.  In circles.  Humanity is so preposterous.  Sure, great things have been invented, amazing things have been done…but for what?  For a millionth of a nanosecond in the measure of Time, humanity has existed and look at the terrific job down in the last 150 years, our “greatest” era.  So when I saw a car ahead of me with the bumper sticker “No worries!  God’s in control,” I sighed.  Do those that rule the world know this?

 http://www.ted.com/talks/marla_spivak_why_bees_are_disappearing?language=en#t-21182

At home, right to bed to work on…stuff.  This morning the Schweizerische Gesellschaft für Beratung (Swiss Association for Cousneling) responded to my letter, thus I was looking at documents which had no meaning for me.  This is a problem.  If I cannot (with my B1 CEFR levels which is intermediate) speak to colleagues or fully comprehend what is being said, well, then Houston, we have a problem.  I did more assessments and did a little more language work.

I also made more reservations…this time in an AirBnB near the airport for the first 4 days.  I’m not sure why in that location???  I guess because the AirBnB place is less costly and the people are so kind, but really?  Kloten????  Ah, well…  dammit.  Seems like we’re in Costa Rica all over again.  But this time will be different.  Kind people and things happen they way they do…right? I mostly finished my other case study and started look at Capstone, while I will begin in the next few days.  Movin’ right along.

Pictures: Air quotes.  How do we accurately convey ourselves without them;  The point in my life where I was Gestalting allover myself; Outside...it still exists; My tribe - one observing the banana  plantation, the other resting; those beautiful trees on the way to Caño Island...

August 30, 2015

Despite staying up last night after Almost Famous…I awoke at a fairly decent time, even though I didn’t want to and dedicated day 4 of STAYING STILL and ‘taking care’, as I have been advised numerous times by my supervisor.  

Lots of computer work: searching, seeking, looking, comparing, requesting, considering, notifying…and such.  My poor Mabi is depressed and I wish I had cattle for her to herd.

Mags went to a friend’s and Ethan, my sweet boy, was hypnotized by watching guy's gaming.  I took 4 German proficiency tests to discover (which I knew) that I am an intermediate German speaker.  I have lots of work to do….

More medicine, more Halls (my tongue is raw), more honey/lemon tea (that’s the best part).  Ethan and I enjoyed a dinner of carnitas and then cleaned the kitchen together.  I imagined it was a kitchen in Switzerland.  I am terrified..yet so excited.  This isn’t a move to another part of California; it’s a whole other continent.  I looked at rental homes/apartments and had a brilliant idea – I’ll fix Lizzie up then sell her – and all that money will go to my rent.  Hopefully it’s enough for  6-9 months or so.  

I got a fortune cookie the other day – it reads “You will obtain your goal if you maintain your course” and boy, am I trying.  There is so much to do, so much to learn, and yet….  Everything works out how it is supposed to, whether I try to cram  <insert amount of time> or not, it goes the way it should.  The fortune didn’t say anything about when.  So I shall stay the course and Life, with Universe’s help, will be just as it should be.

Pictures: Ethan couldn't believe I hadn't found Inuit Dude, despite my watering the plant for weeks; a Kachelofen from 1702 - how rad is that?  I love Kachelfens - best way to heat a house, in my opinion; Ethan was floored by the modern insides of these old farm houses.

August 29, 2015

There is something magical about Saturday mornings.  These are the hours when I can change the world, change myself, where dreams and visions collide with thoughts and ideas.  Exhilarating moments…exuberating hours.  I chatted with Tamara, who let me know about the reunion and dates.  I am still not sure when to go.  I know the week before Thanksgiving might be best, but…the kids would miss a week of school.  Yikes.  Antibiotics, herbal stuff, Halls.  I would kick some ass today.

A change had to happen, so despite feeling like a run-over basketball (useless and deflated)I gave the kids their tasks and got busy myself.  I have been in bed for much longer than necessary and I’m done with this mess..until I started sweating and hurting.  I slowed down a lot but still tried to get things done.  Maggie told me to stay out of the kitchen and commenced to clean it like a pro and then bake pumpkin pit and make fudge for her grandmother.  Ethan  cleaned what he was supposed to clean and then escaped to his room.  I tried so hard to get things thrown out, it didn’t work, but I successfully moved things from one place to another.

We were supposed to have tea at 4.  The pie wasn’t even finished at 4, so around 6 we sat down for tea and pie.  We are clearly sucky at being proper and British.  Initially The Boy HATED tea-time (maybe it’s because he didn’t get a teacup and saucer).  The Girl wasn’t thrilled with it either, but then we began conversing and that changed everything.  My next “fun” part of the day was for us to eat carnitas <carnitas isn’t as painful as other food because it is Mexican food> and watch Labyrinth, but we needed corn tortillas and cilantro, so I pile the kids in the car and drove them to the store.  I sat in the car, looking & feeling like Death.  When we got home, I noted the pork shoulder still needed about 2 more hours, so we ordered pizza, instead, which was horrible, because it isn’t Mexican food.  I stuck to Halls…and antibiotics.

OF COURSE Ethan has already seen Labyrinth, he realized shortly after it began.  We made it as far as the Goblin King when the lack of <please forgive me, Labyrinth fans> skill on the part of Jennifer Connelly  and <yes, I ‘ll say it> David Bowie as an actor made me realize I’d rather not watch 2 hours of this and maybe there’s a reason I never saw it.  I’m a difficult critic with movies.  The kids were DYING to re-watch Kingsman Secret Service.  I’d never seen it but they begged and pleaded, so we watched it.  I do enjoy Colin Furth.  I asked Ethan and Mags if they wanted to be secret spies with me, but they both declined.  It sucks being the oldest one in the family while simultaneously being the youngest.

The scene with Lynard Skynard’s “Fee bird” made me realize we had to watch Almost Famous.  A double feature with me is quite rare, but it was fun to see.  Made me glad I was never a groupie but made me sad I was never on tour with a band.  Music life is so killer….  I’ve met some of my closest friends through the Mother Hips.  Next life, I’ll play bass.  Count on it.

Pictures:  The Sun shines on my books and Buddha; Tea time..waiting for the water to boil; Mags demonstrates proper tea drinking; A beautiful sunset.

August 28, 2015

Couldn’t sleep at all last night – I was up until <no lie> 4 a.m.  I had a dream, I remembered.  This one was about a man.  I also had a dream the night before about my ex-husband.  I liked last night’s dream much better (no…nothing happened, it was just a nice dream).  I checked my throat this morning..first time in 2 weeks and saw lumps ’n bumps ‘n little white thingies, so, knowing the drill, I got on the phone right away to the doctor and made an appointment.  I arrived 45 minutes early to make sure I wouldn’t miss it.  To keep myself occupied, I brought my narrative therapy textbook and read.  I had read a lot of it last night, as well.  I was seen and got the Rx for antibiotics, as well as suggestions for more natural remedies.  

As I drove from the health food store, my jaw DROPPED.  Let us not discuss the whos-whats-or-whys, but suddenly noticed I had a HOLE the size of ATLANTA in my pants’s NETHER-REGION.   Fortunately, I was brought up to be a lady and swimming made my thighs ultra-grando, but if I had thigh-gap, this hole would have shared my womanliness with anyone who happened to look.  I headed to the pharmacy and, walking in very carefully, I got my Rx.  <FYI - 5 cars waiting in the drive-thru, but I walked right in, not waiting moment, take that, carbon footprint.>  

It is here where I would like to say that I am grateful.  There have been some hellish moments in my years.  Moments where I thought I was drowning in my own life and it was the grace of a power not my own that got me out of it.  Sometimes, in those Darkest of Hours, it is about breathing and getting through each moment.  There are Lessons in everything, in all our actions, in all our reactions.  

Got my kids at school after their field trip – of course Maggie’s gear was in the “late” car that wouldn’t be there for another hour, but I couldn’t wait.  We headed home.  The kids were both worn out, but had a date with dad and their grandmother for her birthday that evening.  The GF would be there, so gratefully I was able to bow out due to strep.  The picture shifts and I don’t like to hang on to it just because of how it “used to be.”

I went to bed and started on practicum case study 2.  One more and I’ll start the capstone paper – the big daddy.  I like sitting on my bed with my laptop and textbooks all around, reading up on symptoms and solutions, traumas and treatments.  An old classmate from Switzerland who is on the Pittsburgh AIDS Task Force contacted me about the scene in CH with her input and she is so dead on:  issues here are not necessarily issues there due to built-in safety nets.  At any rate, I have things to work on...a commune for therapists, if nothing else.

 

 Pictures:  It seems all I did today was photograph the medicines I am ingesting, so I closed my eyes and pointed: here is what Universe chose;  Taxi ride with my tribe in Costa Rica; My babes on the beach..pondering; a very appropriate cartoon - people are here to support; Make a wish...CH, one day I'll be there.