Septmember 30, 2015

I had a perfect night of sleep.  No freaky dreams, no alarm clocks, no warm temps, instead my duvet cradled me in its arms and made sure I slumbered.  I enjoyed my coffee, my eggs and spinach (it’s a way of life now since the possibility of mouse results in no bread for my PB bread).  The dogs were happy, the clouds were gray, and life was good. 

Life got much, much better with the soft yet persistent tapping of rain on the roof began.   This was a dream come true.  I sat outside and recorded the sound for a bit – I have to have it on a soundbite to soothe me when I need that little peace.  I headed to work for group supervision.  We were close to being done when I got an email.  There was “an incident” with Ethan at school and it broke my heart.  Not really such a big deal, but his reactions show me that there is a self-fulfilled prophecy and he is damn sure doing his best to make sure it comes true.

I couldn’t stay at work after group was finished and headed to school as I figured talking to him and the teachers in person would be the best thing to do.  The front office called for Ethan and we headed to my car, where we sat and talked.  Correction, I (mostly) talked. Ethan listened.  And then I stopped talking.  Why?  Because it isn’t my problem.  How he behaves and the consequences he received are his problem.  I need to learn my job as facilitator better, so I can help support him in the choices he makes (both good and not-so-good behaviors).  One thing I won’t do is ignore it.  Just because it isn’t my problem doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect me tremendously:  this is my kid and I remember those same horrible teen days very, very well.  Constantly making the wrong choices and then having to clean up the mess (and oh, my – they were HUGE messes). Ethan and I made the rounds – first to the dean of students, then to the teacher involved with “The Incident”.  I don’t know if that was good or not, but I feel you have to go back and cross your t’s and dot your I’s and that is what this is about, approaching the issue, not just going home and hoping it goes away.  I want to teach him to solve problems.

I left him in his dad’s care (with a lot of coaxing to dad about his powerful body language and how intimidating it is) and headed back to my work tribe since I had a client at 5.  I also made phone calls to our county rep who handles homeless youth. After the client, as we all sat in the office with the beautiful overcast sky looking at us from outside, I felt Joy.  There we were, all paperworking, but it was so beautiful.

This carried on into my trip to the store…it was almost like walking in a slow-motion film - you notice the smallest of things and those sites are so Perfectly Life.  The smile from the pharmacist as he talks on the phone, a women smiling at her three year old son, who is sitting in the shopping basket .  I headed home, where I ate some fruit….which was in a tart, and felt all-the-healthier for caring for my nutritional needs.  Yay, me.

Pics 'n flicks: CBT notes for Weber (ugh); Horses by Ethan's school; The Clouds looking in to our office; Raindrops <3 i="">